If i must love a woman, let it not be for love’s own sake. Let it not be for the mere loveliness of her face, the way she speaks, the sihourtte of her body, or for a quality that falls in well with mine that makes a day or a season magical. For all these things might not linger and love thus made may be unmade just as swiftly. Let me not love for superlative things that she is or isn’t – that she has or hasn’t – for how easy would it be to find another who embodies such things and more, and lose my love thereby. But rather let love carve in me an unchanging heart that chooses every moment to be amazed by her on any day, in any light, in any season, and any night. Let me love in spellbound fascination over her soul, touching mine – That forever i may stand in the radiance that is her.

Have you heard, i'm in love

So i was just reading Baby’s blog and most of it had something to do with Jerome. Sometimes i really envy her, having such a stable relationship with someone she loves who loves her back the same. Even though they have their fair share of problems sometimes, and many times she’ll be crying and talking to me over msn, once in a while even on the phone, where i’ll desperately try to make her laugh. She’s the one who always wanted to settle down early and have many kids. She is exactly the kind of girl who would enjoy such a life, and truly deserve it. I love this girl, she’s one of the people who i would go to immediately when i have problems. I’ll even text her early in the morning asking her if she’s online so i can bug her with my crazy negative thoughts.

Recently i was just talking to her about recent things, and she told me that my negativity towards relationship matters was so strong that it affects her, not by making her negative as well, but making her feel the need to tell me to be happy and optimistic. I’m sorry baby.

I got cynical and things that were once beautiful and sweet to me became things i take time to dissect and input negativity into. Things that i could readily enjoy before, made me question and wonder.

Saturday night, we were talking about gf/bf issues, and we got into why people stop doing things for each other, stop being kind to each other and how they could bite the hand that feeds them. That is just human nature, but i’m deadly afraid of meeting someone who could be really nice to me from the start but slowly lose the effort to be nice and starts taking things for granted. Afraid, because i know i will remember the ‘good times’ and ask for more. More, so much more that we’ll kill what we feel for each other.

Every girl goes through a phase in life where they want to settle down with someone they love and have kids. Who wouldn’t want to have their own place whereby they can select every tile and colour, where you can designate one room just for books and dvds. I want that too, but i dont want to have to go through the pain to reach that stage. I think i got selfish too.

Its not a bad thing, sharon.

Got a really lousy table at Swensons’, 2 inches away from a bunch of China girls who did not shave their armpits. Jiun realised with disgust when the girl adjacent to her raised her hand to ask for the check. Thanks for sharing that information with me, i really do not need my appetite for dinner :) Finished our meal too fast and got requested to switch to a corner table to make space for the incoming customers. Like as if we’re not customers, WTF. To think we patronised them all the freaking time when we worked at Billy Bombers, spending our hard-earned $4.50 / hr on expensive sticky chewy chocolate.

Talked about everything that has happened since we last left off till now. Walked around a little aimlessly and went to get yummy Strawberry strudel and continued gossiping. Planned for a sleepover in December and ways to get me my tequila.

It was great talking about old school days. Even though it was at least 3 years ago, talking about it keeps the memories alive, and we get reminded of the friendship and fun we shared.  Old school friends- real ones, and the frenemies. The ‘heartbreaker’ legacy and all sorts of crazy things we did. We used to sleepover so often, Jiun’s mom thought we were lesbians, shudders.

Till Wednesday then.

Spending all my free time at home just watching TV shows or reading might seem pretty dull and boring, but i feel the most relaxed and happy when i’m doing that. Other times, it seems like i’m always on edge and worrying about one thing or another, usually nothing of importance. I think i’ll drive myself crazy sooner or later. Preferably later, though.

I’ve been here and back again
It never answers anything
Where was I when they handed out the knowing you are loved?
If you’re missing, come on home.

Day 1, got charged over 700 Baht for the taxi trip from airport to hotel. Started off at CentralWorld Naraya, crazy place filled with loads of people just grabbing everything they see. Grabbed my fair bit and walked around elsewhere. CentralWorld toys R us have got dirt cheap original sanrio stuff. Grabbed some super duper cute hello kitty stuff which has food packed inside. Tried to navigate to the supermarket but ended up at this flea market, so we assumed that their super market literally meant super. market. Bought a super nice double ring, some cute hair bands and more hair stuff.

Day 2, got scammed by the asshole taxi driver to SomboonDee when we specified Somboon. Got to Somboon finally but the food wasn’t even good. The crabs were served cold, and in pieces that were not complete. The parts were not ‘kiaped’ so we would either have to eat through the shell, or break it with our bare hands. The Tom Yum Goong and vegetables were good though, but thats about it. No point getting scammed to eat there, don’t try again!

Day 3, Chatuchak market. Very very huge and messy place with the sunlight blazing down on you. Definately not condusive for intensive shopping. Prices were alright, some more expensive than Platinium mall. Left after walking a few rounds and went to Siam Paragon/ Discovery/ Centre. Walked around there a little, saw some brands that Singapore doesn’t carry. It is indeed very unbalanced, having such high end places in BKK where outside, its still slum-like.

Day 4, went to collect Tantan’s tailored stuff and MBK for a short while. Bought gloves for HK trip. Would be nice to have more time to explore that place, seems alright. Next time, then. Packed our stuff and checked out. Tantan & i had to sit around their lobby for a few hours before departing for the airport since we were both broke and had nothing better to do. Ate lunch twice, the hotel’s vegan food was refreshing and yummy to me, for someone who doesn’t eat vegetables and had to have meat in her meals. I liked the Tom Yum soup, which we both agree was better than the Somboon’s. Major fail for Somboon.

This trip was overall good, i enjoyed all the shopping and some eating (A&W), i do miss their root bear float very much. Some places opened my eyes, being so nice and all, but things change the moment you step out of the shopping mall. Tuktuk drivers asking you to take their vehicle so they could scam you, taxi drivers who refuse to on their meter so as to overcharge you for a small distance and drivers who would chase you off their vehicles when you refuse to go to the places they suggest. Tantan reasoned that it was because their government doesn’t take care of their people, thats why they have to scam tourists for a living. I really really detest their cabs system, having to stand by the road haggling with them over the meter, or prices and getting talked into going to somewhere (even though we never agreed).

Throughout the trip i was thinking over and over if i would go there again. But sitting here having nothing to do and hating that i have nothing to do, downloading shows but not having the mood to watch them makes me wish that i was in the hotel dumping down the stuff i bought in the morning and leaving for another round. Looking at my bulging luggage which i tried to unpack, i feel a twinge of disappointment that i have not bought nearly enough. So i guess i have my answer. We would return to BKK, but this time, we’ll stay in the hotel near to Platinium, so we don’t have to go through all the cab troubles.

Our matching Sennheisers

I thought i turned off my phone on the plane, but it was still on.

Tantan's obviously oversized luggage, she was kicking it around the airport

My handcarry, Tantan's broken handcarry and my equally oversized luggage

Thankyou tantan, for being there to hold my hand when things get scary, for putting up with my spoilt behavior and protecting me. I love you, best friend

On a lighter note, Jeong and i caught the movie, Love Happens. I went in not expecting much, and that was exactly what i got, nothing much. It was an ~okay movie, a plot that could be developed further, semi-chemistry between the mains and bits & pieces of everything else. Oh well, at least Harvey Dent was cute and we learnt some bombastic words. My favourite part was the old dude repeating “Hello” after the parrot 4 times.

Gotta pack for BKK trip, ta!

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