The light that makes my darkness disappear.

So many emotions, so many words, but easily summed up to these three words. I miss you.

Madly.

The past few weeks were insane and totally overwhelming. So many things happened i don’t even know where to begin. All i know is i’m thankful. Thankful for the friends who have been putting up with my negativity, for all the kind words, all the love, support and most of all, a listening ear whenever i need.

If i must love a woman, let it not be for love’s own sake. Let it not be for the mere loveliness of her face, the way she speaks, the sihourtte of her body, or for a quality that falls in well with mine that makes a day or a season magical. For all these things might not linger and love thus made may be unmade just as swiftly. Let me not love for superlative things that she is or isn’t – that she has or hasn’t – for how easy would it be to find another who embodies such things and more, and lose my love thereby. But rather let love carve in me an unchanging heart that chooses every moment to be amazed by her on any day, in any light, in any season, and any night. Let me love in spellbound fascination over her soul, touching mine – That forever i may stand in the radiance that is her.

The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty.

Have you heard, i'm in love

Jesline’s J

Really bored at work, and since i was in total stoner unproductive mode, i decided to start reading all my friend’s blogs and catch up on what i’ve been missing about their lives.

So i was just reading Baby’s blog and most of it had something to do with Jerome. Sometimes i really envy her, having such a stable relationship with someone she loves who loves her back the same. Even though they have their fair share of problems sometimes, and many times she’ll be crying and talking to me over msn, once in a while even on the phone, where i’ll desperately try to make her laugh. She’s the one who always wanted to settle down early and have many kids. She is exactly the kind of girl who would enjoy such a life, and truly deserve it. I love this girl, she’s one of the people who i would go to immediately when i have problems. I’ll even text her early in the morning asking her if she’s online so i can bug her with my crazy negative thoughts.

Recently i was just talking to her about recent things, and she told me that my negativity towards relationship matters was so strong that it affects her, not by making her negative as well, but making her feel the need to tell me to be happy and optimistic. I’m sorry baby.

I got cynical and things that were once beautiful and sweet to me became things i take time to dissect and input negativity into. Things that i could readily enjoy before, made me question and wonder.

Saturday night, we were talking about gf/bf issues, and we got into why people stop doing things for each other, stop being kind to each other and how they could bite the hand that feeds them. That is just human nature, but i’m deadly afraid of meeting someone who could be really nice to me from the start but slowly lose the effort to be nice and starts taking things for granted. Afraid, because i know i will remember the ‘good times’ and ask for more. More, so much more that we’ll kill what we feel for each other.

Every girl goes through a phase in life where they want to settle down with someone they love and have kids. Who wouldn’t want to have their own place whereby they can select every tile and colour, where you can designate one room just for books and dvds. I want that too, but i dont want to have to go through the pain to reach that stage. I think i got selfish too.

Sugar rush

I know i need sleep but i just cant fall asleep. Im scared and hysterical, i cant stop my mind from going on and on as much as i try to shut my eyes and just sink into deep sleep.

Its not a bad thing, sharon.

Xoxo, gossip girls

Met Jiun for the first time in a loong looooong looooooong time for dinner at Swensons’. Actually, it was more of catching up and gossiping about other people, which is what we do best since secondary school days.

Got a really lousy table at Swensons’, 2 inches away from a bunch of China girls who did not shave their armpits. Jiun realised with disgust when the girl adjacent to her raised her hand to ask for the check. Thanks for sharing that information with me, i really do not need my appetite for dinner :) Finished our meal too fast and got requested to switch to a corner table to make space for the incoming customers. Like as if we’re not customers, WTF. To think we patronised them all the freaking time when we worked at Billy Bombers, spending our hard-earned $4.50 / hr on expensive sticky chewy chocolate.

Talked about everything that has happened since we last left off till now. Walked around a little aimlessly and went to get yummy Strawberry strudel and continued gossiping. Planned for a sleepover in December and ways to get me my tequila.

It was great talking about old school days. Even though it was at least 3 years ago, talking about it keeps the memories alive, and we get reminded of the friendship and fun we shared.  Old school friends- real ones, and the frenemies. The ‘heartbreaker’ legacy and all sorts of crazy things we did. We used to sleepover so often, Jiun’s mom thought we were lesbians, shudders.

Till Wednesday then.